Bill (+.-) Old CW: Prez McMuffin. New CW: Pillsbury Dot Get tough or get rollec Hillary ( + ) Wonder Rodham Woman conquers all. But can she cure health care? Chelsea ( + ) Cool so far. Just don’t invite 10,000 Maniacs for a Lincoln bedroom sleepover. Al (+,-) The CW would like to thank you for your solid, stolid, faithful performance zzzzzz. Tipper ( + ) Mental-health gig fine. But can’t you do something to loosen up Al? Socks ( + ) Where am I? What’s this chain around my neck? Let me out of here.
C. Steph. ( - ) From wunderkind to Dukakis of the pressrooom. Hint: Smile, don’t smirk. D.D. Myers ( + ) Token nonbrainiac not telling us anything either. But at least she’s human. Youngsters ( - ) Government by all-nighters is getting tired. Go to sleep and get a life. I. Magaziner (+,-) Health-care propeller-head looking for liftoff. But is the prop attached? M. McLarty ( - ) So low-key CW can’t find him. Real job: “You have a meeting, Mr. President.” Secret Service ( - ) CW shocked at your indiscretion. (What else have you heard?)
Gays ( + ) They love you, Bill remember, this is Penna. Ave., not Castro St. Military ( - ) They hate you, Bill. And remember, this is Penna. Ave., not Castro St. Economy ( + ) It’s a recovery, stupid. Maybe we don’t need all those programs after all. Taxes ( - ) Vhat’s VAT? You want more “contributions”? We gave at the office. Foreign policy (+,-) Dodging bullets. Summit a success. But can’t hide from Bosnia much longer. Diversity (+,-) What’s this? No Samoans? Stop beancounting and get a government.
J. Reno ( + ) A heroine for our times: takes credit for getting rolled by FBI. W. Christopher (+,-) Transition to State painless but newsless. Where’s the vision, Mr. Sunshine? L. Aspin ( + ) Les is more: Keep cutting those bases and maybe Hillary will let you have a staff. L. Panetta (+,-) He’s no Dick Darman. Deficit hawk lacks hubris-and clout, too. L. Bentsen ( - ) Designated grown-up. But Senate point man couldn’t even sell pork on the Hill. D. Shalala ( - ) P.C. on HIV Haitians puts her in doghouse. Another VAT leak and she’s history. M. Kantor ( - ) Mr. Bigmouth may cause Pearl Harbor II. Didn’t you ever lobby for the Japanese? R. Reich ( + ) Little Big Man gives labor clout with Bill, but stop playing cute with jobless stats. B. Babbitt ( + ) Green Jimmy Stewart still popular despite bushwhacking by greedy ranch lobby.
R. Perot ( + ) Still love ya, little critter, even if you were saying something else last fall. B. Dole ( + ) Who cares if the snake brought back gridlock? Washington loves a winner. R. Byrd ( - ) Thanks for help on stimulus bill, PorkyForget about moving Pentagon to W.Va. J. Carville ( - ) Old CW: Cajun Machiavelli. New CW: Cajun Roseanne Arnold. W.H. Press ( - ) What lovefest? Clinton kids treat pressroom like Jurassic Park. Tabitha S. ( + ) Like, you know, I’m at MTV and NBC now. Wow, let’s talk yen devaluation! Z. Baird ( - ) Sheee’s back. Illegal-alien expertise wins her Foreign Intelligence Board job. Celebs ( + ) Putting Hollywood First. Barbra’s OK, but watch those Sharon Stone summits.
