Here’s our pick of the weirdest products you can buy on eBay.
USB Humping Dog
We all need a bit of encouragement when working on our laptops. What better motivation than a small fury friend enthusiastically hammering his private parts into your USB port?
So, when you’re flagging and feel like you’ll never make it to the end of that report, just take heart from the canine’s relentless thrusting motion that imparts a sense that anything is possible.
Watering Can Dog Statue
Staying with the four-legged-friend theme, here’s a decorative statute that would brighten up any home. The lower section is a small dog but its head is a watering can. Of course!
Pickled Bums and Boobs
Do you have trouble storing your mini bums and boobs throughout the winter? Yes, it’s quite tricky isn’t it. Thankfully scientists have been addressing this pressing issue and have come up with this magnificent solution – pickled appendages!
For a small outlay you can now have preserved bottoms and breasts at the ready, no matter the season. Note: these are not edible!
Tentacle Finger Covers
If you’ve ever thought that your fingers just aren’t long enough or lack the required suckers for your endeavours, well then we have a pleasant surprise in store. Tentacle fingers!
That’s right, here to satisfy all your mollusc needs, just pop these brightly coloured extensions on your digits and never feel inadequate again.
Haunted Crisp
During our research we came across this tragic tale of a crisp that terrifies its owner.
The listing states;
‘So..please buy this crisp. It follows me round the house and will never leave me alone. I turn to make my coffee.. Boom. There it is smiling at me. Please save me from my taunted life.’
Hold your loved ones close tonight
Handmade Voodoo Dolls
Need to curse one of your colleagues or irritating family members? Get yourself a Voodoo doll!
Each one is handmade and features authentic grubby stains reminiscent of a Louisiana swamp and the scent of internal torment.
*Needles not included
Usain Bolt Figure
Due to the speed at which Usain Bolt usually moves past people, it can be hard to know what he really looks like. Thankfully an artist has captured the essence of the Jamaican sprinter in clay and you can now gaze upon it each day for inspiration.
Bacon Bandages
Suffered a laceration of some kind and need the comfort of a dressing and some tasty, salty meat? Help is at hand with Bacon Bandages!
Adorned with the gorgeous print of smoked pig flesh, these are sure to stop the bleeding all while attracting carnivorous members of the opposite sex. For added authenticity we recommend smearing yourself in HP sauce. Tasty!
Vampire Stake
Life can be challenging enough these days without finding yourself unarmed when denizens of the night attack, their twin fangs glistening by the light of the moon.
Fear not, before your neck is punctured simply slam this stake into your evil assailants heart and all will be well.
British Oak guarantees against breakages, so you can impale with confidence.
Viking Drinking Horn
Quaff ale like a true warrior with this Viking drinking horn. Fill it to the brim with your favourite craft ale, scream your adorations to Odin, curse those that would stand against you, then down the beer until you fall into a stupor.
We’ll see you in Valhalla.
Martyn has been involved with tech ever since the arrival of his ZX Spectrum back in the early 80s. He covers iOS, Android, Windows and macOS, writing tutorials, buying guides and reviews for Macworld and its sister site Tech Advisor.
