For example, if you’re in a relationship with someone who’s insecure, they may want to know what you’re doing and where you are at any moment. Decide together how you’ll communicate—you might call them once a day, but you might tell them that you’re not texting them updates about where you are. If you’re interacting with an insecure friend, relative, or colleague who needs your constant attention, be clear with communication. For instance, say, “I want to be available for you, but I also have some work to do. Why don’t we talk after class or at lunch?”

You can make them feel heard by reiterating what they’ve said. For example, you might tell a co-worker, “You don’t like it when the group leader doesn’t ask for your input. It sounds like you have ideas you want to share, but that it’s hard to give them. " Pay attention to your body language, too! Turn your body to the person and don’t look away or check your phone while they’re talking. Give them your full attention. If you’re listening to a close friend or relative, you might put a hand on their shoulder or their hand so they feel like you’re giving them your full attention.

If you have a relative or friend who doesn’t like trying new things, offer to try them together so they don’t feel so alone. If the person doesn’t want your help or advice, give them some space. They may ask for your help later if they feel more comfortable. Sometimes, insecure people feel underappreciated or unloved. By showing an interest in them, you may help them feel better. Say things like, “Just know that I’m here for you and care about you. "

Asking for help shows the person everyone’s working on something and no one is perfect. It also reminds them there are things they’re really good at and that you value them. Let them know that you notice the little things that they do well. For example, say, “Thanks for helping me understand that math problem” or “Thanks for giving me a ride,” or “You are so organized with your calendar. "

If someone’s insecure about how they look, pay them a genuine compliment. If you know a colleague struggles with working in a group, tell them you’re glad they’re working with you since they come up with good suggestions. If the insecure person is frequently down, encourage them to find activities they enjoy. They may thrive when they pick up a new hobby, volunteer, or join a group of people that have similar interests.

For instance, if your boss says, “You’re always making mistakes. You’re not a very good employee,” you might say, “It’s true that I do mess up every once in a while, but I’m not a bad employee. Are you frustrated about something?”

Don’t stress about asking for some space or a bit of time. You may say something like, “We’ve been in communication a lot lately and I need some time to get things done in my own life. It doesn’t mean that I don’t care for you. I just need some ‘me’ time. "

For instance, you might say, “I feel like you don’t trust me around our friends. There’s no reason to think I’d do anything with them. You’re the one I care about and you can trust me. "

Things that might seem trivial to you may be a big deal for them! For instance, worrying about what shoes you’re wearing might not seem important, but they might feel insecure about how well they fit in with their stylish friends. Talking with someone you don’t know well? Try starting a normal conversation and then point out something you’ve noticed about them. For example, say, “Hey, how’s it going? I noticed that you didn’t come to practice after school yesterday. Are you doing okay?” If they don’t want to talk, say, “It looks like it’s been a rough day. If you want to talk, I’m here. "

Remember that you’re not alone. If you’re increasingly worried about this person, reach out to a trusted friend, teacher, or counselor for advice.