You might say something like, “Hey, could we talk about your new tattoo? I didn’t realize you were going to get one. What inspired this design?”
You might ask things like, “I don’t understand. Could you clarify what you meant by that?” or, “Interesting. Could you tell me more?” Try to keep an open mind, and see it from your partner’s perspective. You might not like the tattoo at first, but hearing their explanation could change your mind.
“Do you think that a tattoo on your neck might threaten your job prospects? I’m not sure you’ll be able to cover it with a collar. ” “I thought you were getting a smaller tattoo, not one that covers your entire arm. Will you be able to hide that?”
“I wish you would have talked to me about this before you got the tattoo. That way, I could have given you some input beforehand. ” “I thought we agreed that you’d get something small. It’s a bit concerning that you changed your mind so drastically without talking to me first. ” Think about why the tattoo creates a reaction in you. Then make space to communicate the deeper feelings you have about the tattoo.
If you really dislike the tattoo, you can suggest getting it covered up or removed. However, your partner is the only one who can make that decision.
If you don’t like anything about the tattoo itself, try to find something you like about the meaning or the sentiment behind it.
Try to think of it like your partner getting a drastic haircut. At first, you might feel a little weird about it, but eventually, you’d come around.
“What was it that initially attracted me to my partner? Is that attraction still there, or has it changed now because of the tattoo? Why?” “What is the true root cause of my concerns with the tattoo?” “What emotions am I feeling that are associated with the tattoo? Why am I feeling these emotions?” “Is the root cause of my emotions/concerns something that I can control through healthy coping skills?”
A tattoo might sound like an extreme reason for counseling, but it’s more about the broken trust and the emotions underneath everything.
You might also need to end the relationship if the tattoo goes against your own personal values, since that can be tough to overlook.
