This helps your partner feel more comfortable around you, too. Since a relationship is reciprocal, you might have to take turns being the first to share or admit something to your partner. [2] X Research source Never feel pressure to reveal something you’re not comfortable talking about just yet. Just don’t hide things from your partner out of fear that they’ll reject you or won’t understand.
Maybe you were recently laid off, but you’re afraid to tell your partner. Rather than hiding this from them, share what happened and even admit your fears or frustration about the situation. [4] X Research source Part of being in an emotionally intimate relationship is supporting each other through good times and bad. Your partner will be there to help you through it.
Let’s say your partner just got home from work and they seem really frazzled. Rather than just noticing their changed mood, ask them, “How was work today? Is everything alright?” Maybe your partner just got off the phone with their mom and they have a contentious relationship. Check up on them with questions like, “How are you doing? Did the conversation go alright?”
Avoid multi-tasking when your partner talks to you, especially when they’re speaking about something serious. Put your phone away, close your laptop, and pause your video game (even if you’re about to beat the whole game).
Affirm your partner’s perspective to show your emotional sensitivity. Let’s say you’re having a political debate. Say something like, “Wow, I never thought about it that way. I always appreciate your perspective on things. " If your partner expresses discomfort or insecurity about their opinion, encourage them. Say, “I always want to hear what you have to say. You never have to feel embarrassed around me!”
This can really help your partner feel more comfortable, too, and it’ll really ease the tension during deep discussions. Do read the room, though. If your partner just opened up to you about something really serious in their past, for example, save the jokes until the subject has come to its natural conclusion.
Take a class with your partner in something that you don’t know anything about, like dance or improv. Plan a weekend trip to a city you’ve both never visited before. Plan special dates as if you just started dating. Even if you’ve been dating for 10 years, there’s always new things and experiences you can share with your partner, and these are necessary to deepen your emotional connection.
Next time you greet your partner, compliment how amazing they look. Say something like, “Don’t you look beautiful today!” If you’re not sure what to say, try writing out your feelings instead. Write them a little note about all the reasons you love your partner, and stick it in their laptop case or lunch bag before they leave for work. [12] X Research source
Maybe you’re feeling sad, but you don’t understand why. Brainstorm what could be causing these emotions in a journal, then reread what you wrote. If you’re upset or confused by something your partner did, write out your feelings in a journal before expressing them. Some extra time to reflect helps you avoid lashing out at your partner or emotionally shutting down.
When you apologize, make a promise to change your actions and commit to following through with it. Say something like, “I’m so sorry I was distracted when we were talking this morning. I always want to know what you have to say, and I need to work on being more attentive. "
